Beautiful Mutants 1970

X-Men #65 (February) Before I'd Be Slave.

Dennis O'Neil, Neal Adams, Tom Palmer.

It turns out that Professor X has been alive all this time and the guy we saw perish in If Either I or Someone Who Looks Just Like Me Should Die back in X-Men #42 was actually the Changeling atoning for his involvement with Factor Three by agreeing to take Chuck's place that he might devote all of his mighty brain to the doom that would be visited upon the Earth with the coming of the alien conquerors whom men call the Z'nox. I imagine this sort of thing happens about every four or five issues these days, but I'm sure it was a genuine shock back in 1970. The threat is specifically an alien race who have learned to steer their planet like some giant spherical spacecraft, and have come to Earth with conquest in mind, and so the lads go to investigate their beachhead at the south pole. It might be pointed out that Doctor Who already did this in 1966, but I suspect what I wrote back on page 33* still stands and you might just as well claim this is where George Lucas got the idea for Star Wars. Professor X knackers the Z'nox by combining all of the minds of Earth which, aside from foreshadowing Claremont's X-Men, might also be deemed an early use of the Force.

*: General denouncement of frothing fan-twats unable to conceive of the idea that certain tales might not have been inspired by an earlier episode of Doctor Who (a show which makes a point of borrowing from other sources), as I have encountered on a number of occasions, notably that Clifford Simak's novel All Flesh is Grass was somehow inspired by Terror of the Autons despite having been published five years earlier. Well, he must have been inspired by Quatermass, quoth the back-peddling fan-prick in question (because aliens in factories are involved), despite entire scenes in Terror being lifted directly from the novel by Simak, an American author who has expressly stated his dislike of television before we even get to the likelihood of obscure British telly turning up on ABC in the sixties. I assume this theory was informed by CULT BRITISH TELEVISION FROM WHEN I WAS LITTLE BEING THE PINNACLE OF ALL HUMAN CULTURE. This isn't what I've written on page 33 of Beautiful Mutants by the way, so I'm paraphrasing here.

Beautiful Mutants 1969

X-Men #57 (June) The Sentinels Live.

Roy Thomas, Neal Adams, Tom Palmer.

The Sentinels are up to their old tricks and kidnap Polaris even as we're still dealing with the Living Monolith. The sheer pace of the Neal Adams run is dizzying in comparison to what went before, and I expect the X-Men themselves will be glad of the rest once they get to issue #67.

The Female of the Species.

Linda Fite, Werner Roth, Sam Grainger.

Having already been seen joining the X-Men back in the first issue, Marvel Girl uses the obligatory origin pages to explain her powers, showing how she bakes a delicious apple pie for the boys or handles the housework using telekinesis; and this is written by a woman because, as Stan explains on the first page, it seemed appropriate to give one of the ladies a go seeing as how Marvel Girl is a girl and all, as the name implies. Germaine Greer's seminal feminist text The Female Eunuch was published a year later, which I'd hardly call a coincidence. Thankfully this was the last of these back-up features.

Beautiful Mutants 1968

X-Men #48 (September) Beware Computo, Commander of the Robot Hive.

Arnold Drake, Don Heck, Werner Roth, John Verpoorten.

I assume The Warlock Wears Three Faces in the previous issue was significantly guided by the hand of Gary Friedrich, because Computo really feels like the work of the guy who wrote Doom Patrol, with Marvel Girl's nascent modelling career rudely interrupted by the Computo of the title. Next thing, we're deep underground battling against the screwiest looking robots you've ever seen with very little explanation as to who, what or why, making for a dreamlike and distinctly surreal mood which I personally prefer to the yappy and over-explained. It leaves more room for the imagination and, in any case, life itself doesn't come with explanations provided.

Yours Truly, the Beast.

Arnold Drake, Werner Roth, John Verpoorten.

Hank spends five pages explaining how he likes to jump about all over the place which, having read the previous forty-seven issues, I already knew.

Beautiful Mutants 1967

Strange Tales #156 (May) The Tribunal.

Jim Steranko.

The half of Strange Tales previously occupied by the Human Torch is now home to Nick Fury, Agent of Shield, which I found a little confusing what with this being the twenty-second instalment of what seems to be an ongoing saga. The Supreme Hydra makes an ominous announcement to everyone on Earth, not least the superheroes, and we get a single panel of the X-Men paying attention and looking worried - so that was thirty dollars well spent. This issue features an advert pushing a cure for premature baldness which, combined with Steranko's eye-boggling hallucinogenic art, leaves me inclined to distrust the received wisdom of comics having been just for kids until Alan Moore invented the graphic novel by implying that the Joker raped Commissioner Gordon's daughter.

Beautiful Mutants 1966

X-Men #19 (April) Lo! Now Shall Appear the Mimic.

Stan Lee, Werner Roth, Dick Ayers.

This is a satisfyingly weird issue, a one-off story with a cover which leaves you in no doubt as to whether or not you need to read it, which you do. The Mimic isn't actually a mutant, having gained his powers through the traditional science experiment gone wrong - which might almost be ironic humour on the part of Stan and the gang. The Mimic has the ability to mimic the powers of other superheroes, hence the name, and is shown on the cover as a living composite of all five X-Men, or at least the four with physically manifest powers. I suppose they could also have given him knockers in acknowledgement of Marvel Girl but boobs aren't actually a superpower, contrary to the publicity. This one is an early example of an X-Men comic making use of its own mythology, which is interesting.

Beautiful Mutants 1965

X-Men #12 (July) The Origin of Professor X.

Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Alex Toth, Vince Colletta.

The introduction of the Juggernaut is more or less a shaggy dog story, much like the Big Murphy joke which did the rounds when I was at school. We spend two whole issues hinting at how terrible will be the power of the Juggernaut whence he doth show up, and this one mostly explains who he is (Professor X's shitty older step-brother) as everyone fortifies the school with barriers and booby traps. This entails Cyclops blasting holes in the floor. Blasting holes in the floor seemed to be Cyclops' answer to everything in 1965, although I'm not sure whether that's better or worse than Iceman having taken to getting about by means of fancy ice-slides which will presumably leave a terrible mess when they thaw.

This was Jack Kirby's final issue. He's credited with layouts in the next five, but his involvement isn't obvious and I gather if he was present, it was mainly to show Werner Roth the ropes, so to speak. Anyway, the first twelve issues of X-Men weren't his best, but even overworked Jack Kirby cutting corners and phoning it in remains elegant and occasionally startling. He gave the book its look, as ever leading where others would be obliged to follow. Also, regarding just how much of their collaborative work was written by Stan, or else was written by Jack as he built stories from whatever Stan had scribbled on the back of a napkin - it's difficult to miss that X-Men becomes significantly less wordy from the next issue onwards.

Beautiful Mutants 1964

Fantastic Four #28 (July) We Have to Fight the X-Men.

Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Chic Stone.

The Puppet Master sets up shop inside the brain of Professor X, who then duly points the kids in the general direction of the title while giving them a meaningful look; suggesting that the younger Xavier's powers were not nearly so well developed as that time he made every sentient being in the cosmos believe they were trapped in an episode of Happy Days, whichever issue that was*. This is possibly the first issue in which Jean switches the traditional X-balaclava helmet for a mask, allowing her beautiful bright red tresses to sway seductively to and fro like unto those seen in a shampoo commercial on television. The tale opens with the Invisible Girl and Mr. Fantastic reading a newspaper report about how everyone thinks the X-Men are amazing, so if you're not following their adventures, readers, you must be an arsehole. Sue Storm mentions in passing those foes thus far defeated by the X-Men, including the Space Phantom, so either that occurred off screen, so to speak, or I've missed an issue. Anyway, once the Fantastic Four have realised that they don't have to fight the X-Men after all, the true culprits are revealed, the day is saved, and Professor X gets his brain back.

*: Keep looking. I'm sure you'll find it eventually.