Beautiful Mutants 1974

Captain America #172 (April) Believe It or Not: The Banshee.

Steve Englehart, Sal Buscema, Mike Friedrich.

On the trail of the villainous Secret Empire, Captain America and the Falcon encounter the Banshee at a Merle Haggard concert, little realising that the Banshee is also on the trail of the Secret Empire, so he is, to be sure, to be sure. Naturally they have a scrap, so they do, which is broken up when Professor X arrives with both of the X-Men. The Banshee escapes, so he does, and Professor X explains that the Secret Empire is currently waging war on mutantkind, so it is, hence the Banshee being as much on edge as a man whose Guinness has been drunk by the pub dog while he was outside checking on his potatoes. Also in this issue we learn that even Irish people enjoy American country music, so they do.

Beautiful Mutants 1973

 Avengers #111 (May) With Two Beside Them.

Steve Englehart, Don Heck, Mike Esposito.

Magneto is now so powerful that he can control people through the iron in their blood. This must be a power he either forgets during subsequent encounters, or else will feel embarrassed about using. Here he causes the X-Men and Avengers to fight, which would never happen otherwise. His plan is to detonate an atom bomb in hope of the resulting radiation creating more mutants for his proposed army, even though mutants are surely born rather than created, otherwise every caped fuckwit who ever had a balls-up in the science lab would be a mutant. Those Avengers who still have their free will save the day and Magneto is defeated by the Vision who points out that the Master of Magnetism can't count, supporting my hypothesis that he's a massive thickie. The X-Men recover to the realisation of the Angel still being missing and that they're now down to just three, not including Chuck.

Beautiful Mutants 1972

Amazing Adventures #12 (May) Iron Man: DOA.

Steve Englehart, Tom Sutton, Mike Ploog.

Professor X tries to contact the Beast, who duly responds with a heartfelt piss off, baldy - leave me alone, or words to that effect. Possibly his attitude is explained by Marvel Girl's comment that the Beast is the only one who has been allowed to leave by the Professor. They've been in hiding ever since X-Men #66. Regretting having turned himself into Chewbacca, Hank makes a latex face mask and fake hands and devises special strappy bondage underwear to correct his now Gorilla-like posture so he can disguise himself as himself, if you see what I mean. It's probably not worth worrying over whether or not this will work given how certain superheroes can fool even close family members as to their identity with just a pair of specs. Following this latest transformation, Hank gets angry more easily and so gets into a scrap with Iron Man and actually kills him - or so he believes, although this is an illusion created by Mastermind who wishes to recruit this new Beast to his Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

Beautiful Mutants 1971

Amazing Spider-Man #92 (January) When Iceman Attacks.

Stan Lee, Gil Kane, John Romita.

Bobby was the first to hop aboard the comeback special, here getting into the inevitable introductory pagga with Spider-Man before joining forces against a corrupt politician, or potential politician given that he hopefully lost the election after everyone read this issue - not that his behaviour would be much of an obstacle these days. If anything the racism and kidnapping would probably count as a qualification. Anyway, you can tell the comic biz was beginning to grow some balls regarding real world social issues, and this is a thoroughly satisfying issue of a comic I usually only read when there's a mutant involved because that's how I roll.

Beautiful Mutants 1970

X-Men #65 (February) Before I'd Be Slave.

Dennis O'Neil, Neal Adams, Tom Palmer.

It turns out that Professor X has been alive all this time and the guy we saw perish in If Either I or Someone Who Looks Just Like Me Should Die back in X-Men #42 was actually the Changeling atoning for his involvement with Factor Three by agreeing to take Chuck's place that he might devote all of his mighty brain to the doom that would be visited upon the Earth with the coming of the alien conquerors whom men call the Z'nox. I imagine this sort of thing happens about every four or five issues these days, but I'm sure it was a genuine shock back in 1970. The threat is specifically an alien race who have learned to steer their planet like some giant spherical spacecraft, and have come to Earth with conquest in mind, and so the lads go to investigate their beachhead at the south pole. It might be pointed out that Doctor Who already did this in 1966, but I suspect what I wrote back on page 33* still stands and you might just as well claim this is where George Lucas got the idea for Star Wars. Professor X knackers the Z'nox by combining all of the minds of Earth which, aside from foreshadowing Claremont's X-Men, might also be deemed an early use of the Force.

*: General denouncement of frothing fan-twats unable to conceive of the idea that certain tales might not have been inspired by an earlier episode of Doctor Who (a show which makes a point of borrowing from other sources), as I have encountered on a number of occasions, notably that Clifford Simak's novel All Flesh is Grass was somehow inspired by Terror of the Autons despite having been published five years earlier. Well, he must have been inspired by Quatermass, quoth the back-peddling fan-prick in question (because aliens in factories are involved), despite entire scenes in Terror being lifted directly from the novel by Simak, an American author who has expressly stated his dislike of television before we even get to the likelihood of obscure British telly turning up on ABC in the sixties. I assume this theory was informed by CULT BRITISH TELEVISION FROM WHEN I WAS LITTLE BEING THE PINNACLE OF ALL HUMAN CULTURE. This isn't what I've written on page 33 of Beautiful Mutants by the way, so I'm paraphrasing here.

Beautiful Mutants 1969

X-Men #57 (June) The Sentinels Live.

Roy Thomas, Neal Adams, Tom Palmer.

The Sentinels are up to their old tricks and kidnap Polaris even as we're still dealing with the Living Monolith. The sheer pace of the Neal Adams run is dizzying in comparison to what went before, and I expect the X-Men themselves will be glad of the rest once they get to issue #67.

The Female of the Species.

Linda Fite, Werner Roth, Sam Grainger.

Having already been seen joining the X-Men back in the first issue, Marvel Girl uses the obligatory origin pages to explain her powers, showing how she bakes a delicious apple pie for the boys or handles the housework using telekinesis; and this is written by a woman because, as Stan explains on the first page, it seemed appropriate to give one of the ladies a go seeing as how Marvel Girl is a girl and all, as the name implies. Germaine Greer's seminal feminist text The Female Eunuch was published a year later, which I'd hardly call a coincidence. Thankfully this was the last of these back-up features.

Beautiful Mutants 1968

X-Men #48 (September) Beware Computo, Commander of the Robot Hive.

Arnold Drake, Don Heck, Werner Roth, John Verpoorten.

I assume The Warlock Wears Three Faces in the previous issue was significantly guided by the hand of Gary Friedrich, because Computo really feels like the work of the guy who wrote Doom Patrol, with Marvel Girl's nascent modelling career rudely interrupted by the Computo of the title. Next thing, we're deep underground battling against the screwiest looking robots you've ever seen with very little explanation as to who, what or why, making for a dreamlike and distinctly surreal mood which I personally prefer to the yappy and over-explained. It leaves more room for the imagination and, in any case, life itself doesn't come with explanations provided.

Yours Truly, the Beast.

Arnold Drake, Werner Roth, John Verpoorten.

Hank spends five pages explaining how he likes to jump about all over the place which, having read the previous forty-seven issues, I already knew.