Missing Words

I have a new book out, another collection of essays of which most - but by no means all - have appeared on my blog, An Englishman in Texas during the final two years of the Trump administration. Re-reading the thing as I usually do prior to the sales pitch, I've been struck by how it inadvertently represents a record of its time given that this was also when the coronavirus pandemic hit, so I guess that's interesting even though it's unintentional. In addition to the material with which at least one or two of you may be familiar, Missing Words features around 167 pages worth of writing which I kept to myself rather than post on the blog - material written because I needed to get it out of my system and which might prove to be a source of contention should it be read by those I was writing about and who I couldn't be bothered to disguise with a pseudonym.

It's nearly six-hundred pages and could be used to stun cattle, or at least a large hound, which strikes even me as an excessive page count but I'm nevertheless pretty pleased with how the thing has turned out. If you enjoy reading what I've written, you'll probably enjoy this too, and as Christmas presents go, you could probably do worse - unless the person you're buying it for is a fucking moron.

It's available here.

A Brief Time of History

Following several months spent wrestling with the Lulu self-publishing machinery, I can at last present A Brief Time of History, my latest collection of essays, writings, observations, and fart jokes - if not exactly with pride, then certainly without anything you'd call false modesty. Most of the essays have already appeared on my Englishman in Texas blog and are represented here in book form for the sake of vanity and anyone who, like myself, doesn't particularly enjoy reading such things off a screen. A Brief Time of History collects all of the material written during 2015 and 2016*, with a few extra bits and pieces which never appeared for one reason or another. My hope is that most of it is either funny or at least in some way thought-provoking, and what feedback I've received from the blog seems to suggest this to be more or less the case - which is gratifying - so the book would make an ideal birthday present for the sort of person who likes that sort of thing. If in doubt, please feel free to pretend I'm the Bizarro universe David Sedaris - not actually gay and I moved east to west rather than the other way round, but with the same bad teeth and a tendency to sneer.

The book is proper paperback size, nearly seven-hundred pages thick, and one hell of a lot of work has gone into making it presentable. My mother described it as the best thing she had read in ages, which was nice. Please buy as many copies as you feel you can afford by clicking on this link.

If you're a fanzine author or contributor or feel otherwise able to review A Brief Time of History on some blog and would therefore like a free copy, please get in touch with me through facebook. This offer is made without any expectation of flattering or otherwise arse-kissingly positive reviews, but I will get pissy if you bag a freebie and that's the last I hear from you.

*: The stuff written prior to 2015 is collected in An Englishman in Texas, the previous volume, which you should buy so as to complete the set.

Expensive New Book of Recycled Material

I've collected the first couple of years worth of posts from my weekly report from the Americas, An Englishman in Texas. For those who somehow missed this, I slap something new onto this specific patch of internet regularly every Friday, partially as a dialogue with friends back in the old country, partially because I always liked the idea of writing an autobiography but never found a good enough reason to do so, and partially as a writing exercise. I never enjoyed reading off a screen, and it turns out neither have a few of the people who regularly follow my blog, and so here it is in tiny print, everything up to and including December 2014 plus a couple of extras which were never posted. It's regular mass market paperback size but comprises over six-hundred pages and thus resembles a housebrick - hence the price, because it can also be used as a weapon of self defence. It cannot be read in a single sitting, and in any case I'd recommend dipping in and out as and when you feel inclined rather than poring over the thing and giving yourself eye-strain. If you've ever enjoyed reading David Sedaris, P.J. O'Rourke, Bill Bryson, Charlie Brooker, or Henry Rollins, then hopefully you might similarly enjoy this collection, but if in doubt just zip over to the blog and read the thing for free. Anyway, it can be ordered from this page. Buy this puppy for someone's birthday and I guarantee* they will just love the shit out of you forever.

Whilst we're all here, I may as well also mention that I've recently taken to reading excerpts from the above before a live audience at the Blah Blah Blah Poetry Spot, which presently occurs around 8PM on the first and third Wednesdays of the month at the Deco Pizzeria, 1815 Fredericksburg Rd, San Antonio, Texas, TX 78201. I've read twice so far, and although I was quacking my pants far too much to have formed an objective view the first time, my material seemed to go down fairly well at the more recent occasion. Everyone laughed in the right places. I envision myself muscling in on these events for at least the foreseeable future, so in the unlikely event of your being in San Antonio - whoever you are - please come along and say hello, and enjoy some amazing pizza. It's a good night out, and the standard of material getting read seems incredibly high.

*: I don't actually guarantee this at all. They may just as easily end up hating your guts. How the hell should I know?